Wednesday, March 21, 2012

BBB's Writing Challenge

BBB's Original Post

For my contribution I've decided to write a short love story between a gnome and the dwarf female that doesn't even notice him.
Today was just like any day for me, you know how it goes.  Working on my engineering and looking all dead sexy in my goggles like any good gnome would.  I've spent so much time looking at my work I never really took notice of anything around me until I needed to grab some flux and looked up and saw this juicy dwarven maiden that stood before me.  I had never seen her before, she must be new I thought.

I decided I would woo her, as any dead sexy gnome in goggles would of course, by putting the goggles on my head, getting on my knees and opening my eyes as big and wide as I could.  I figure if she would just see me for a few minutes she would uncontrollably fall in love with it.  How could anyone resist, it works for puss doesn't it and I am much cuter then he could ever be.

My plan did not work as intended.  She barely even noticed I was there.  Someone else came up to talk to her and she turned to talk to them completely ignoring the ultimate in gnome cuteness to the tenth degree that was right before her very eyes.

I figured that I would need something else to grab her attention so I headed over to cobblesproket, he is good with things that do not go boom as opposed to me where everything goes boom.  Even the things I do not intend to go boom.  Come to think of it, the things I do not intend to go boom always seem to go boom bigger.  I wonder why?

I was mentioning to him the new love of my life when he looked to me a bit cross eyed and said that even if dwarven women are fine women why don't I set my sights a little higher like one of those slender humans that are walking all over stormwind.  He explained that gnome men are the most attractive men in the world, which we all know, and that we should be able to pick and choose as we wish.  I agreed and I like those dwarven women with the juicy thighs so that is what I choose.  I knew he always had a thing for humans, he follows that connolly guard around all day long sometimes.  Doesn't seem like he is having any more luck with the opposite sex than I am.

After getting the items I needed to assemble my next weapon of mass wooing I headed back to the anvil and started to build a mechanical arrangement of flowers that I am going to give her.  That will surely get her attention.

I kept looking over to her, I even made sure to make some sexy moves like stealing the angelina leg stretch thing.  It worked for her, got her a lot of attention, maybe it would get me the attention of my lady love.  My attempt was in vain however as she barely noticed me or my sexy leg.  This woman no doubt had a will of steel.  There is no way any women can ignore this much sexy in a small package for as long as she has.

I handed her the gift, an amazing display of mechanical flowers that change based on your mood.  It was a technical triumph and it didn't even explode, imagine that, but she took one look at them and handed me 25 gold.

I was not selling them to her, I was giving them to her.  I tried to explain and gave her the gold back but she gave me the flowers back when I did.  This went on for 10 minutes.  I gave her flowers, she gave me gold.  I gave her gold, she gave me flowers.

Somewhere along the line if I where going to sell the darn thing I think I should have gotten more then 25 gold.  If I was selling them I pretty much got the shaft there.  You would think she is a goblin paying so little.  As if making money was the only thing on her mind.  Those flowers where worth a lot more.

I had one more idea and it was back to the anvil with my trusty tools, hammer, torch and other assorted things so I could make the most bad ass boom box, that doesn't actually boom, that anyone could ever imagine.

It took me two days and the help of an army of the most dead sexy gnomes you can ever imagine but I set up something that she would never be able to resist.

I started the music low and started to make it a little louder as I walked closer to her with my posse in tow and the sounds of the gnome theme song "sexy and I know it" blaring behind me.  There was no doubt with a show like this that I was a star in every sense of the word. There was no way she could not fall in love with me instantly.

We did our dance, and we where amazing.  I stripped down to my skivvies and gyrated my sexy gnome goodies for her for the length of the song, ending in the most amazing slide you have ever seen with this huge ass boom box on my shoulder and only my golden undies and my goggles on my head on and she just looked at me and said, 200 gold for that.

Nothing, nothing.  She offered me 200 gold for the boom box.  I spent days building this, I spent days assembling the people needed for this display.  I spend days teaching them the dance.  I spent days waxing my golden undies and my legs too.

All that time spent for nothing.  The woman I feel in love with the moment I saw her just thought of me as a customer and nothing more.

I guess I will love her from afar, I will keep my affections hidden from now on.  Hidden because I can't keep spending all this money on gifts that she thinks I am trying to sell to her.  She is so cheap too.  200 gold for a boom box that cost me 10,000 gold in materials.

That is when it hit me.  She must like goblins. My wooing ended before it even started it seems.

Darn, that was one fine woman.
Well, hope you all liked it.


  1. LOL She must like goblins!!!! :D

    Poor gnome. So little attention, so little love.

    Good post!

  2. Haha! I love it!

    Poor little guy...

  3. I don't know what's wrong with that woman, you had me at the angelina leg stretch thingy!