Saturday, December 24, 2011

Fun Lines From Randoms

We all run across bad players, nerd ragers, and just generally stupid people.  Most of the time it is no big deal.  Some times it can be upsetting.  Other times still it can be downright funny.  Today I present for your reading pleasure some of the best lines I can remember.  All paraphrased of course as I do not recall most of the exact wording of some.

Setting:  In a dungeon where the tank is marking skulls on targets he wants killed first.

DPS:  Tank, can't you get control of the mobs, they keep going after me.
Tank:  Maybe if you attacked the right target, don't you know what the skull means?
DPS:  Yes.
DPS:  It means it is the dangerous one and I should keep away from it.

Setting:  A rogue in a dungeon doing low DPS on trash.

Tank: Why are you only auto attacking rogue?
Rogue:  I am saving my energy for the boss.

Setting:  After the third wipe in a dungeon someone looks at the healing meters.

DPS:  WTF is wrong with you healer, you have not been healing anyone but the tank.
Healer:  My job is to keep the tank up, I do not heal DPS that stand in stupid.
Tank:  They are not standing in stupid, it is area effect damage, they can not avoid it.
Healer:  Yes they can, they can get out of the area.

Setting:  After many mistakes by a warlock which included pulling, targeting wrong mobs, doing low DPS, you name it, these priceless words where exchanged.

Healer:  Stop pulling mobs lock, wait for the tank.
Tank:  And please try to attack the same things I am attacking.
Healer:  Did you buy the account because you are a horrible player.
Warlock:  I did not buy it, it is my account.
Healer:  Then you have no excuse, what are you, an idiot?
Warlock:  Yes.

Setting:  This baby is from my first time tanking a random after the LFD first came out.  I came into the middle of a battle and three pulls later without getting any heals I had this exchange.

Tank:  Why are you not healing me?
Healer:  If you are going to keep all the mobs to yourself and not let anyone else get some I am not healing you.
Tank:  I am the tank, that is my job.
Healer:  That is no excuse.

Setting:  Healing the first boss of BH when it first came out with a holy paladin that thought they where gods gift.  This exchange happened after the second wipe.

Paladin:  Why am I doing all the healing Shaman?
Shaman:  Excuse me?
Paladin:  I have nearly double your healing, you are doing nothing here.
Shaman:  Recount healing done:
Shaman:  Shaman 80%
Shaman:  Paladin 20%
Shaman:  Recount data over healing:
Shaman:  Paladin over healing 84%
Shaman:  Shaman over healing 4%
Shaman:  Recount data dispels:
Shaman:  Shaman 32
Shaman:  Paladin 1
Shaman: Are you only healing and dispelling yourself because the way it looks to me is I am the one doing all the work here and you are just spamming yourself with heals because the only thing you are beating me on is overhealing.
Paladin:  Numbers don't lie, I did almost double the healing you did, that is all that matters.
Tank:  The paladin is right Shaman, numbers don't lie.
Paladin:  See, idiot.  Kick the baddie.
Tank:  I agree, I am removing the baddie.
Paladin:  Ha ha, learn to play tard.
Paladin has been removed from the group.

Setting:  Week one of the ZA/ZG grind with a healer that was decked in all heroic T11 gear.

Healer:  You guys better not be tards.  I am not healing anyone that doesn't know how to move from the poison.
Tank:  Does everyone know the fight?
Healer:  They better because I am about sick and tired of all these failtards in here.  Anyone that dies to the poison that is easily avoidable it a horrible player.
DPS:  Can we kick this healer, he is getting on my nerves.
Healer:  I am going to carry your sorry ass, just make sure you know how to move from the poison you baddie.
DPS 2:  I know the fight.
DPS 3:  Bet you 10000 gold the healer dies to the poison.
Healer:  I'd take that action but gold can not be traded, tard.
Tank:  Pulling.
Healer has died
DPS3 :  I'll start a new character on your server with this same name, you owe me 10K. lol
Healer has left group.
Everyone else has died.
Tank:  That was so worth a wipe.
DPS1:  I've come to learn that the more someone talks the worse they are as a player.
Tank:  Ain't that the truth.

Setting:  In a dungeon during noble garden time.

Healer:  You seem rather squishy tank.  I am having trouble keeping you up.
Tank:  Not sure what the problem is.  I usually have no issues in here.
DPS:  Maybe you should put your armor back on instead of the easter stuff. lol
Tank:  lol .  That might help.  Sorry.
Healer:  Some times I wonder about you bears.
Tank:   I forgot I was wearing it when I came in.  Its one of the problems with being a bear, I only see fur no matter what I am wearing. :)

Setting:  In a VoA where the leader forgot to set master looter.

Leader:  Everyone just roll greed on the bear being someone already hit greed so it will be fair.
Everyone but one person rolls, they all roll greed.
Leader:  Roll so we can move on.
DPS:  This baby is mine, screw you I am not rolling greed.
DPS hits need.
DPS leaves group.
Leader:  Sorry everyone.  I should have set master looter.  I hate F'N ninjas.
Healer:  Its okay, he didn't get the bear.
Leader:  What do you mean?
Healer:  It is still on the body, he left so quick it never gave it to him.
Everyone:  lol

That is all for now.  Maybe if I remember some more I will share.  Hope you enjoyed.


  1. omg, just hilarious! thanks for sharing

  2. The second to last conversation doesn't really sound like a big deal to me. At least he apologized.

  3. @Harvoc

    If you have ever tanked as a bear you would find it very funny. We have all done something like that at one time or another.

    I've learned to double check to make sure I do not have my fishing pole on.

  4. i swear, i think i was in the first anecdote.

    i also want to share... during a 5-man random, tank pulls and the mage runs around in circles, and then dies. boss was downed anyway but the following exchange happens...

    tank: wtf you doing mage?
    mage: uh... i don't know. i got scared and tried to run away.

  5. oh brother thanks for the funnies. I have been on all sides of this at some point. Learning the game being a baddie, watching idiots interact and these days trying to mediate a lil more cuz I am not a total noob. Funny funny stuff.

    "Bet you 10000 gold the healer dies to the poison."

    how many times did i hear someone say "anyone who doesn't have the green achieve must get kicked" and then watch that same fool die 5 secs into fight. awesomeness.

  6. @ Anon 1

    That is priceless. If I ever do another one of these I am going to have to steal that one to post. With credit to an anonymous anon of course.

    @ Anon 2

    I agree. Usually the biggest complainers are the worst players.

    Had a paladin arguing with a healer in a random LFR saying the healer was doing nothing and they were so great.

    First off, the other healer was just barely capable of being there. Their gear just passed the item level and the paladin already had the 4 piece T13 heroic set on. Now for the fun part...

    As I usually do I looked at all the numbers. Added them up, subtracted over healing, added absorbs. You know, the thing us raid leaders that know what really matters do and don't just look at the raw numbers.

    The paladin that was complaining they did nearly double the healing was actually only doing 1% more effective healing. Which means, even if they where calling the other healer the baddie, they where indeed the baddie.

    People that talk are usually trying to cover up their own faults by blaming someone else.

    I did like the other healers response however. The boss is dead, everyone is alive, so whats the problem?

  7. fantastic stories,
    Once did a guild run, where our tank was really squishy that evening, found out he had forgotten to put this shield and sword back on from dual wielding fish he had shown me before :D

    1. I had something similar happen to me, we we're going into Dragon Soul with the guild, and after the first boss I notice I had tanked with my haunted herring all this time. No wonder I had problems keeping aggro!

    2. Beat 'em with a fish for the win. That is awesome.

      I think any of us that tank has done something like that once or twice.

  8. I had something similar happen to me, we we're starting Dragon Soul with all the guild, and following the first boss I notice I had tanked with my personal haunted herring all this time. No wonder I had problems keeping aggro!

    1. You would have thought the smell of the fish and the fact you were beating him with it would have given you a threat modifier. I know I would be pissed at the guy beating on me with a 6 month old fish.

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