Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Misadventures of Gneville the Gnome - Out Shopping

So there I was waiting on line at Crown Grocery in Stormwind when this elderly dwarf lady kept staring at me.  More so starting at the ten pound bag of dog food that was almost as big as I was that I was lugging to the counter to buy for my perky pug.  She kept giving me strange looks.

I really did not pay much attention to her as the looks scared me some but I did over hear her saying something to the human standing behind her about how gnomes can't be hunters so what could I possibly need so much dog food for.  I wanted to say "hello, battle pets" but I did not interject.

Finally, when she started staring at me again I felt the need to say something, it was getting a bit discomforting.  I mean, I am dead sexy and all.  I am used to being stared at by women, dwarves too, but this was not that lusty look for my gnomish good looks I am used to.  It was downright scary.

"Can I help you with something?" I asked the elderly dwarven lady.
"I was just wondering, do you have a dog?"

Now I could have just said yes, it is for my perky pug.  He eats me out of house and home and loves to wipe his butt on the carpet.  Come to think of it I should have picked up some carpet cleaner too but this line is too long today to go back and get it now, I'll come back tomorrow for that.  But decided to have a little fun with this.

"No, I do not have a dog."  I said in a matter of fact what is the big deal way and turned away.
I then felt her tap me on the shoulder and ask, "Then what is all that dog for food?"
"Oh, it is for me, I am starting the Kings Kibble diet."
"Kings Kibble diet?" She questioned, obviously confused.
"Oh yes, it is a really great diet.  I lost 30 pounds the last time I was on it.  I ended up in the medical ward however, but it was worth it."
She just managed an "Oh" and said nothing else.

For a few minutes she would look around and back at me.  Every time the line moved forward and I lifted the bag to step forward and plopped it back on the ground it looked as if she were about to say something but didn't.  So I figured I might need to bait her a little bit by telling her how the diet worked.  She no longer had that scary look when she was starting it me, it was more of an inquisitive one, so I knew I had her hooked.

"You see," I said to her and waited for her to turn to me so I knew she was paying attention "I fill all my pockets with kibble and whenever I am hungry I just grab one out and nibble on it.  It actually tastes okay too and it has all the vitamins and minerals a growing gnome needs to survive, so it is quite good for me too."
"Really? That is very interesting." She said. 

I could hear the next sentence dangling on the tip of her dwarvish tongue as I was lifting my bag to put it on the counter to check out.  Finally it was my time to pay up and get out of here.  Her time was almost over too, if she had a question, and I knew she would, it would have to come soon.  After I was done paying, as she was putting things on the counter and I lifted the bag to go she finally came out with it.

"If it is so healthy how did you end up in the medical ward?" She asked.
I smiled and replied "I had this uncontrollable urge to bend over and sniff Crithho's butt and he mauled me." and then I skipped out of the store and as her jaw hit the ground I was laughing the whole way.