Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Staring at the Screen: Why am I Here?

For about a month now, might be three weeks, I have not played.  I would log in just to raid and even on alternate raid nights in case I was needed to fill a role.  If I was not needed I logged off.  If I raided I left as soon as the raid was over.

I do it out of a sense of responsibility to my guild mates.  Just because I am bored doesn't mean they are.  Like last week when we dragged along 6 players that had never finished DS, one who had never been in it at all, not even the LFR version because he is a pure PvPer and we downed it no problem.  One wipe on spine because some people did not understand I have only one person on corruption duty, but once they understood it everything was fine.

I just do not have the desire to play.  I love raiding, but I hate DS.  I hate the expansion and DS was just the icing on the cake for me.  At first I liked that it was something even my casual guild progressed through quickly but that ended up not being the blessing I thought it might be.  We just got bored of it faster.

I logged on just now and was not needed for the alt raid so I popped around from one character to another for a while cleaning out junk from my bags in preparation for mists.  My hunter no longer needed his huge stash of bandages, two stacks should be enough to last me, so I sold them.  My priest no longer needed her extra gear she might use if she gets an upgrade to something else for itemization purposes, so I disenchanted it all.  My warlock has a bag full of potions like all the main stat boosters for prepotting that I normally sell and I listed them all at get them now prices just to get rid of them.  I sold off my warriors entire DPS set because I quest as a tank.  Same for my druids off sets.  No more need for my tree or kitty stuff, I quest as a bear.  You get the idea.

Long story short (too late) I ended up back on my hunter sitting in stormwind letting my brain rot reading trade chat.  Saw a few pugs that I would have jumped at just a month ago and even considered.  A BoT heroic run, a firelands heroic run, and stuff like that.  Almost whispered the people but then it occurred to me that I do not know these people and the last thing I want is a failed pug when I am already feeling really down on the game to being with.  So I didn't.  I queued for a random heroic, not a twilight one, because I like to help newer players gearing up by giving them a nice DPS boost to the original heroics. 

The queue popped and I just stared at it.

I did not click enter dungeon, I let it time out.  I just stared at the screen and wondered, why am I here.  I don't really want to play.  I want to wait until the patch comes to test my new talents out in action.  And that is when it hit me.  I don't really want to do that either.  I don't really want to play any more.

I will play of course.  Something new might interest me again.  But that feeling I had about the game, the obsession, the love of the game if you will, I noticed it was gone.

I sat there staring at the screen for a few more minutes and said good night to my guild and at this moment at least I have no intention of ever logging back in.  I will, tomorrow for raid night of course, because I have to, it is my job.  That doesn't mean I like doing it any more however.

Thinking about it, for the last few months I've had more fun blogging than I've had playing.  I have very different opinions from most and they usually spur conversation, most against my opinions of course, but you know what, I love that.  I love that people are willing to speak their words and share their opinions and try to change this bull head of mine sometimes.  They are good conversions even if it always seems to never change my mind or theirs but good conversations nonetheless.

I want to thank the people that come here and speak their mind for spending a few moments a day once in a while reading or leaving a comment.  I think that the people I talk to here are about as much of a reason I still play as my sense of responsibility to my guild.

I know, or hope, the feeling of joy, escape and freedom from the every day that I always had with warcraft will come back when there is something new to do and I thank all of you for keeping me around while I wait for it.  If it doesn't pan out and mists ends up sucking worse than cataclysm did, it is all your fault.  Just kidding of course.

I just wanted to say thank you all.

I might have just sat in stormwind having no desire to do anything and wondering why I was even there, but for some reason, I could write here every single day and never be at a loss for something to be grumpy about, an idea to share, or an opinion to start a conversation everyone will disagree with.

The blog started as something for me to do while bored at work and I never expected for anyone to read it, nevertheless comment on.  The people that share their voice here has made it as much a true part of the game as the characters I play myself and right now, the best part of the game for me is this.

Again, thanks.


  1. When I quit last year (!) around this time, I had no idea what I would do with the newly liberated 2-3 hours of my evening. Turns out, news sites, blogging, commenting, and so on fills in the vacuum pretty well.

    Ironically, what drove me to finally leave in the first place was being tired of the obligation to play even when I wanted to do something else. Then again, if I did not have said feeling of obligation, I might have left months/years earlier.

    1. It is that feeling of obligation that has kept me around all expansion. I think if I were a solo player and not in a guild I would have quit a long time ago.

  2. I've been a long time lurker, rare commenter here, and I often disagree with what you have to say, but I still come back. I like that you push me to think about things in a different way, and I like the conversation that goes on in your comments.

    This is one of the few times I agree with you. If you don't feel that want to play, then you shouldn't, regardless of obligations to your guild. Are you really doing your guild a service by burning out? Are you really playing at your best if you don't want to be there?

    Just my 2 cents. Great post.

    1. Thanks.

      I've noticed that I have not been doing my best for the last three months really. It is as if I am going through the motions but not really feeling it.

      I thought that doing heroics more often would help but it hasn't. I noticed it was not so much the lack of something to do that was bothering me, but it was just that I did not enjoy doing it any more at this point. A break was needed.

  3. I've been feeling the same lately but I no longer have scheduled raids to log on for. RL has kept me busy lately and nothing really calls me to log on even if I had had the time. I think an ebb and flow in the desire to play WoW is natural and perfectly normal. :)

    1. Perhaps my flow might come back with new content but at the moment I don't feel it will. Not sure if it was the game that did it to me or me that did it to me, but I just do not have that same feeling any more.

      I would cancel the raiding if I could. On my server, small and slim pickings as is, if we stop raiding people will leave for another guild. So there is no other option but to raid. Like it or not.

  4. I feel the same way about this game, although i still count myself as a wow player, ive not played for more than a months sub time in the last 6. I've just lost all interest in the current content. However, i cant wait to re-sub next week for the pre mists content patch, i'm actually excited to have something to do again, something to look forward to. The only reason i sayed for so long before taking a break was my lovley guild, but sometimes a chap needs a rest. Take a real break for a week and see how the changes fit.

    Personally, ive been playing fallout new vegas, a game i missed on release. Still gaming, just a change.

    1. Sometimes a new game can breath new life into an old one. I knew each time I take time off to play something new and come back to wow I realize why wow is #1. It is head and shoulders above everything else out there. But no matter how good, we all get burnout sometimes.

  5. Oddly enough I wrote a blogpost over a month ago suggesting you needed a break from the game. At the time I felt cheeky writing it. Then you wrote some of guides to helping Noobs and those in need of training. It was some of your best work.

    In hindsight you should have taken a break a few months ago, and should be coming back at this stage with a new expansion and the pre-patch.

    Relax, take it easy and carry on writing instead of playing. The inspiration may dry up though, without logging in.

    1. The people I read and the ones that comment here are more than enough to give me ideas on what to write. Not to mention I've 100s of things in my mind I wanted to write about but never got around too. You, my guild leader, some friends, everyone has been saying I need a break for the longest time. I guess one of my strengths is also one of my weaknesses. Dependability. It is why I am always there if needed, but also why I have not taken a true break.

      Thanks for the kind comment on the newbie stuff.

  6. Oh and here I was feeling bad about arguing with you in the previous post. Though that's actually my fault to be honest. It wasn't until I wrote my last comment that I realised that I wasn't arguing against your original point "dps is difficult" and more against the perceived slight on pretty much everyone I play with. None of them are fulfilling their potential and doing 100% of what's possible but I know that they're doing their best. Some of them spend a lot of time trying to get better but they never get to 100%.

    Anyway I'm sorry that you're disenchanted with the game. A couple of months ago I was feeling the same malaise. My raid group had imploded that I'd server transferred to join. My friend who'd introduced me to the game had burnt out getting Dragonwrath. I'd also run out of soloable achievements unless I turned to pvp, but this late in the expansion I didn't see the point in gearing up which was going to be useless in short order. Plus who'd want to play with someone without any conquest gear? So I was at a bit of a loss for something to do. There didn't seem to be any point in doing anything.

    So I hear where you're coming from and hopefully Mists will give you back the game. There's a lot of new shiny content at least. Lots of new achievements to chase and more ways to enjoy the game than ever. Hang on in there it's not going to be long now.

    1. Like I said in that comment, I was not saying those people were bad, I was just saying those people are proof that DPS is not easy like everyone makes it out to be.

      I am exactly in the same place as you. Had all the achievements I could solo and only PvP ones were left but I have not really played PvP this expansion, only have 5 or so pieces of conquest gear and did not feel like joining the fray now. Guess the changes to hunters and my loss of burst for PvP made me lose any desire to do it at all. I did everything I could solo back in wrath, so it was a little worse for me however. I ran out of stuff to do solo early on. That is partly why I am always saying the game needs more solo content.

      I am looking forward to something new but I honestly think that the feeling I have now will change the way I feel about the game even when something is new. Because I know in the back of my mind, it will all come back to this feeling again, nothing to do.

  7. You know, it's funny now that I think of how much time I'm spending on this blog. I actually found myself reading the guide to CC-ing a few days ago. Even though it's from back when CC aggro-ed and it was fun.

    Yesterday I was talking with my RL - He said he thinks it would've been better if he would have just taken a break after first hc Madness kill. Somehow, this saddened me. I know he stayed because ppl wanted mounts and some piece of gear. But I'd still rather he has fun. I'd miss him a whole lot if he wouldn't be available to talk to for a couple of months though. But it's probably slightly different since we live 20 minutes from eachother...

    1. I think I am with him. I should have taken a break a long time ago. I suffered a lot of burnout this expansion. Right at the get go, during the Zul crap they gave us, and now.

      This expansion was not fun for me and I am glad it is over.

      Glad you like reading the stuff. I write it for myself but always glad to hear someone reads it.

  8. Only thing keeping me logging in at all these days is leveling my bank guild. My main is still in a level25, but i mostly only play my own toons in my own guild lately. Slow going of course as it is a solo project, but it is what i've been doing.

    this whole expansion i have hated as a warrior (main) and decided solo play would be my best option.

    Hoping that MoP brings me back into the fold of the main guild, but no idea at this point.

    Thanks for the blog and all the content. Being that i'm playing only alts it has helped me be a little less bad with toons i don't always know how to play well.

  9. Anon, Grumpy's GL:

    Well, for the longest time now, both here and in game, I have been advocating for you to take a break. I don't want to lose you as a player because you are one of the best I have had the pleasure to play with. I rank you with a warrior, another hunter, and a couple of paladins whose names I won't mention because of your desire for this to stay anonymous to our guildmates.

    I do hope you take this in the right light and know that my desire to see you stop playing for a while is because I want to see you happy. I have known for a long time now that you aren't happy in WoW, and while I more than appreciate the efforts you have made as our main raid lead in addition to all your other contributions, I rather see you leave on a good note. Perhaps I am wrong in thinking that you will be back and find fun in the game again, but yes, I do think that is a possibility. But sometimes a break is needed, and if it turns out to be a permanent break, then so be it. In any event, we made a good run as a team in leading our guild successfully. Now go find something else to do for the time being, and I hope to see you in MoP.

    your friend and GL

    1. I am not going anywhere. I want to take a break, I need to take a break, but you know me by now, I will only take mini breaks like I have taken over the last month and just play less.

      I am just not happy with the game. It is not burn out. I've had burn out before during the zuls most recently and this is not that same feeling. It is different.

      Then it was I was tired of playing but I wanted to, I wanted something to do. Now it is different. Now I don't want to play. I don't want something new to do because I will feel like I have to do it. I don't want the patch to come tuesday, I don't want mists to come the month after. I want it to stay as is, so I do not feel like coming back. This is not burnout. This is something different.