Staring at the Screen: Why am I Here?

For about a month now, might be three weeks, I have not played.  I would log in just to raid and even on alternate raid nights in case I was needed to fill a role.  If I was not needed I logged off.  If I raided I left as soon as the raid was over.

I do it out of a sense of responsibility to my guild mates.  Just because I am bored doesn't mean they are.  Like last week when we dragged along 6 players that had never finished DS, one who had never been in it at all, not even the LFR version because he is a pure PvPer and we downed it no problem.  One wipe on spine because some people did not understand I have only one person on corruption duty, but once they understood it everything was fine.

I just do not have the desire to play.  I love raiding, but I hate DS.  I hate the expansion and DS was just the icing on the cake for me.  At first I liked that it was something even my casual guild progressed through quickly but that ended up not being the blessing I thought it might be.  We just got bored of it faster.

I logged on just now and was not needed for the alt raid so I popped around from one character to another for a while cleaning out junk from my bags in preparation for mists.  My hunter no longer needed his huge stash of bandages, two stacks should be enough to last me, so I sold them.  My priest no longer needed her extra gear she might use if she gets an upgrade to something else for itemization purposes, so I disenchanted it all.  My warlock has a bag full of potions like all the main stat boosters for prepotting that I normally sell and I listed them all at get them now prices just to get rid of them.  I sold off my warriors entire DPS set because I quest as a tank.  Same for my druids off sets.  No more need for my tree or kitty stuff, I quest as a bear.  You get the idea.

Long story short (too late) I ended up back on my hunter sitting in stormwind letting my brain rot reading trade chat.  Saw a few pugs that I would have jumped at just a month ago and even considered.  A BoT heroic run, a firelands heroic run, and stuff like that.  Almost whispered the people but then it occurred to me that I do not know these people and the last thing I want is a failed pug when I am already feeling really down on the game to being with.  So I didn't.  I queued for a random heroic, not a twilight one, because I like to help newer players gearing up by giving them a nice DPS boost to the original heroics. 

The queue popped and I just stared at it.

I did not click enter dungeon, I let it time out.  I just stared at the screen and wondered, why am I here.  I don't really want to play.  I want to wait until the patch comes to test my new talents out in action.  And that is when it hit me.  I don't really want to do that either.  I don't really want to play any more.

I will play of course.  Something new might interest me again.  But that feeling I had about the game, the obsession, the love of the game if you will, I noticed it was gone.

I sat there staring at the screen for a few more minutes and said good night to my guild and at this moment at least I have no intention of ever logging back in.  I will, tomorrow for raid night of course, because I have to, it is my job.  That doesn't mean I like doing it any more however.

Thinking about it, for the last few months I've had more fun blogging than I've had playing.  I have very different opinions from most and they usually spur conversation, most against my opinions of course, but you know what, I love that.  I love that people are willing to speak their words and share their opinions and try to change this bull head of mine sometimes.  They are good conversions even if it always seems to never change my mind or theirs but good conversations nonetheless.

I want to thank the people that come here and speak their mind for spending a few moments a day once in a while reading or leaving a comment.  I think that the people I talk to here are about as much of a reason I still play as my sense of responsibility to my guild.

I know, or hope, the feeling of joy, escape and freedom from the every day that I always had with warcraft will come back when there is something new to do and I thank all of you for keeping me around while I wait for it.  If it doesn't pan out and mists ends up sucking worse than cataclysm did, it is all your fault.  Just kidding of course.

I just wanted to say thank you all.

I might have just sat in stormwind having no desire to do anything and wondering why I was even there, but for some reason, I could write here every single day and never be at a loss for something to be grumpy about, an idea to share, or an opinion to start a conversation everyone will disagree with.

The blog started as something for me to do while bored at work and I never expected for anyone to read it, nevertheless comment on.  The people that share their voice here has made it as much a true part of the game as the characters I play myself and right now, the best part of the game for me is this.

Again, thanks.